Actually, it's been NINE years since I shared a journal here (I've shared some blips randomly with photos...). So what's changed? What's happening? I know that there are few people left here on the dA that I know anymore. Most of my followers/people I followed have long since wandered away from the deviantness. So have I.
I don't know what changed, really - after having my son in 2009 I just kind of...fell away from the world in general. Then, I got myself involved in a whole bunch of crazy, and then my dad died in July 2015. At that point, I was foundering... When my best friend Dorie died of cancer in March of last year (March 22, 2016), I just kind of died along with her in a lot of ways. There's been SO MUCH DEATH and loss and destruction of me over the years. My creative side has always remained, and always continued to be my sanity.
I tried to start over here on dA and created a new account and everything, but I never use it. No one really connected to it - no one was really left here that I knew anyway... I have taken up with the Instagram community, and that's mostly where I share my photos at this point. It's really easy to share my photos with my mobile devices there, and I rarely touch my computer anymore. Instagram is convenient. There are also a lot of friends there who help me through the ups and downs of grief, cptsd, anxiety, panic, and my celiac diagnosis... I appreciate them, but I haven't even been active there for the last week. I don't know what's going on, really.
I feel like I'm stuck in this weird, empty limbo. I don't even know why I'm choosing to share this here, as I know there are maybe two people who will see this journal post and possibly reply. I suppose the point is that I'm grasping for straws and just hoping for something useful and solid to grab onto. I think it's safe to say that in a very general sense the year 2016 sucked for EVERYONE. I feel like that's carried over into 2017 with my newest life situation - my mother has begun the fall into dementia and that's very hard to deal with. Caring for her is the hardest thing I've ever done because we don't even like each other. That cptsd thing I mentioned before is rooted in my childhood with my mother.
It's all very stressful and emotional and I think the truth is that I'm just exhausted. I'm exhausted from figuring out and dealing with life without my Dad or Dorie here to be my guides. But, we all eventually face that time where "we're it." You know what I mean? It's hard. It's doable though - we've been doing this for thousands and thousands of years, right? The cycles, the whole "life" thing. Life on life's terms - I cringe to say that phrase but it's the truth...
Alas, I hope YOU are all doing much better than this. I hope 2017 is treating you kindly. I hope you are still making art. I'm not very present here, so I admittedly have no idea who is doing what, where, or how... But I do think of you and of dA every so often, and miss the "old days..." Take care, deviants. Happy arting....